White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
