i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
