You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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