Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
