Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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