Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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