he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
