I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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