I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
