Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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