I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
