please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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