Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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