then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no, he came in my armpit
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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