haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
