It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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