Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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