yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
