even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
