Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
