My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
