listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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