true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
