I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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