so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
