You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
