Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
