I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
