maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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