So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
