i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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