You just made me feel so damn special
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
