I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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