you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize