She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
