paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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