yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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