he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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