My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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