this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's always time for handjobs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
