porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
