i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
