im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
