dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
