I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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