Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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