people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
sex in a hospital.. check
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
