I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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