I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i now understand why vodka
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
