Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize