i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
