So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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