This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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