MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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