i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
