Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
