Pants 0. Shit 1.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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