Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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