How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
