Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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