we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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