It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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