I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
