My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
