I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
