she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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