dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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