i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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