but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
