Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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