your room smells of hookers.
And success
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i came on her dog
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
