Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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