How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
