She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
