Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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