Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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