What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
