Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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